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This weekend marks when I would have been 36-weeks pregnant with the twins, had they not been born early. A friend asked me a while back when my due date was, as she anticipated that being a hard day for me to endure. But the truth is that twins have no real due date. We expected them any time from mid July to mid August. And so I wake up every morning knowing that today is not the day I'll give birth to healthy full term twin girls, but rather just another day without them.

I don't notice their absence so much any more. I don't feel them missing from my body and I'm not constantly aware of what I would have been doing. But I think about not understanding why, and I have trouble looking in the faces of a couple of specific women who were pregnant along with me. I don't want to see me in their eyes, because I can't have it.

About not understanding why: I'm okay with it. I get that as I move through this life that I'll likely discern little pieces here and there and learn and grow. And I get that maybe I don't even need to know or ever get to know, or perhaps that I wouldn't be able to understand anyway. I do get all that and embrace it fully, trusting that God had good in mind for me. I know that whether this was supposed to be or not, that good will come from it. I am thankful for each day that I wake up still here; they need me.

And on that note, we have been up to a little bit of everything.

Nadia was the flower girl in a wedding:


You can view the entire album by clicking here.

Derek decided to launch himself into the air and plant his shoulder into the ground at high speed, completely severing the ligament and separating the shoulder. He had surgery about ten days ago now. Here he is getting ready to go in:



We hunted snails in small inland lakes:



Found an un-shy deer who allowed us to photographer her for several minutes:



Played pass-the-gummy-ring-from-straw-to-straw at a birthday party:



Wished for puppies (again):



Made sandcastles at the beach:



And drew elaborate pool party scenes on the white board. The pool and diving board on the left, as well as Nadia herself (red figure) on the right, were the first things drawn. Then over the next TWO HOURS, the artist added a rainbow and unicorn (top right), flowers, an alligator (circled in black), cats, dogs, bugs, and lots of other stuff I don't remember.


That reminds me; I must find that "Cat Puking" piece she created many months back. I promised to post a pic and never did. Or was it "Cat Pooping"? Well, I'll know when I see it because I remember it being vividly clear. Remind me, people. You won't regret it.